I thought he was safe. - Alan

Alan was in his mid-twenties when he was attempting to understand his liking for other men.

He was invited to a party at a rented house by a school mate. It felt like an opportunity. A space where he might find people who understood.

During the party, he was introduced to a much older man with a heavy build, who generously brought bottles of alcoholic drinks for everyone.

It was not long before everyone was heavily inebriated.

Alan enjoyed the conversations with the party goers. He was beginning to warm up to the older man, who was seen as an older brother within this social group. Someone who looked out for people. Someone safe.

Late in the night, while the party was still ongoing, the older man asked Alan if he would like to check out what was on the second floor of the house.

Alan said yes without hesitation. He thought they were just exploring. Maybe talking more privately.

He was led upstairs.

Alan was assaulted while he was in a state of shock. His body froze. He couldn't speak. Couldn't move. Couldn't process what was happening.

The next morning, Alan sat at the same breakfast table with his friends and the older man as if nothing had happened.

He laughed at the jokes cracked at the table. Passed the syrup for the waffles. Helped clean the dishes.

Everyone parted ways with pleasant words. "We should all meet up again soon!"

Alan smiled. Nodded. Said goodbye.

Inside, he felt empty. Blank.