It’s hard being filial. - Joanne

Kim Choo and her husband expect their daughter, Joanne, to entertain them. Plan exciting travels. Research restaurants. Book hotels. Organise day trips.

When activities don't meet their expectations, they are harsh.

"Why did you pick such a restaurant? The food is terrible."
"Why did you choose this place of interest? I don't like this and that."

Kim Choo and her husband also expect Joanne to listen to their bitterness and resentment toward their siblings. Long phone calls filled with complaints. Joanne is expected to be available when they call.

Joanne works very hard to meet these expectations. She researches extensively. Plans meticulously.
When her parents say she's done a good job, she feels relieved. The anxiety lifts, briefly.
However, criticism comes all too easily. Joanne is anxious and miserable most of the time.

Kim Choo and her husband, however, are happy for a short while when their expectations are met. Then the cycle begins again.

Occasionally, Joanne tries to suggest changes to their dynamics:
"Mum, Dad, is it okay if you check out the travel agencies and make some decisions on where to go?"
"Is it okay if we don't talk about uncles and aunties anymore? Maybe you can talk to them directly?"

Kim Choo's response is immediate. "I carried you for nine months! I gave up my career for you! Because of you, I did not develop myself."

Her husband adds, "I spent so much money on you. Do you know how much food you ate? Do you know how expensive your education is? If it were not for you, I would have lived a stress-free life. I might have gotten myself a sports car!"

Joanne feels the familiar weight settle on her chest. Guilt. Obligation. The sense that she owes them her entire life.

She stops suggesting changes. She continues planning their trips. Listening to their complaints. Being available when they call.

She wonders: When will it be enough? When will she have repaid the debt of being born?